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In Memory of My Wife, A Mother - For May 19, 2016

On June 14, 1986, when we said our vows, we also said “…until death do us part”.  Before God and man, I lied. One year ago today, May 19, 2015, you went to rest… A part of me was taken away; a deep void remains; the silence deafening.   Notwithstanding your physical absence, a bond and love of over thirty years still burns within. You are with me daily as each one of the children reflects varying personalities of you: TJ’s sensitive demeanor, Anto looking and behaving more like you, Derique’s quiet confidence and Dayaseh’s ever analytical self, like you, always wants to connect all the dots.

I miss my partner, my Wife.  From Lutheran Training Institute to the University of Liberia to Bong Mines, to Danane, Ivory Coast, and Michigan, USA, the memories and a legacy of love for family shall sustain me. Aunty, whose passing you never could overcome, must have scolded you for leaving your family so soon. But, God had a better purpose for you in heaven.  Rest my love until we meet again. - Tony

Nana, you are gone but will never be forgotten because of the love and care you show for everyone.  Regardless of how I felt, you always try to light up my world when you walked in the room, always keeping everyone interests in mind while treating us equal.  I miss your little jokes and how you always cared wanting to know if something was wrong when I looked sad or just tired  I just really missed my Nana  Regardless how old I get, how times may change I will never forget you, always love, cherish, and appreciate all you did.  Thank you for life and yes, “my Oldma was right about everything”.  - TJ

I was going through some guy trouble the other day and you were nowhere to be found.  It had become easier for me to talk to you about things like that.  I could trust you in so many ways; at least when I talked to you about my problems I knew it was only going to be shared between you and Dada.  I missed that, I miss so much about you.

Isn’t it sad how we don’t fully appreciate someone until they are gone?  I have heard people talk about that so many times but I never thought it would be the case for me.  I never thought I would memorialize my mother so soon; I never thought I would feel the guilt of under appreciating her, let alone feeling that in my twenties.  There are so many things I look back on and think, “if only I knew what I know now”.

You were my everything.  I never knew just how much I depended on you... I never knew the important role you played in my life or the impact you had on my decisions nor the extent you went to make us happy.  I regret not saying this to you often enough:  I love you with every fiber of my being, more than words can ever convey…I wish I was there when you really needed me, I wish it could have taken the pain away  like you always did for me.  You deserved so much more than I gave you, and God knows you deserved so much more than what you received.  And for that I am deeply sorry.

There is not a day that goes by, my dearest Nana,  that I don’t think about the endless possibilities of “what ifs”.  I know that every minute that goes by is one minute that I am closer to being in your lovely presence again.  Till we meet again, My Dearest Mother, I love you. - Anto

Ever since my Nana’s passing on May 19, 2015, things have not been the same.  It seems the little joys and accomplishments in life are a little tainted because though I know she is watching she can’t be here to partake in the enjoyment with me.  For example, I recently got a new job at Planet Fitness; when I got the call that they were going to hire me, I was excited and I thought about how Nana would have been excited because she knows how I am into fitness and have wanted to obtain a position there.  It was a bitter sweet moment because I couldn’t go and tell her face to face.  It, however, made me smile when I pictured her reaction.  Me and my younger brother, Dayaseh, often talk and laugh about how our mother would react and had reacted to things.  I guess you could say that that is how we keep our spirits up.  The day my mother passed she told me to take care of Dayaseh.  I think the best thing I can do to honor her is to succeed and always make sure he is doing well. - Derique

What I miss are the experiences that will never happen.  I missed all the motherly love that  would fill the void that now fills  my heart.

I miss coming home from school and trying to be quiet so as not to wake Nana as she slept after working twelve hours.  I miss being able to say “my parents…” or “my mom…”.  I missed all the little hugs and kisses that annoyed me but I know were your enormous show of   love for me.  I miss my mother so very much.  Rest in peace Nana. - Dayaseh